I feel like

It's weird taking pills
sometimes I take one and that's it
sometimes I want to take the whole bottle and call it quits
I feel rushed and under pressure
and it's too fucking cold to think straight
I bundle up try to keep warm
but iced over or sweltering, negativity swarms
and covers me with a dark haze
Can't tell you how many times I've been stuck in this phase
All positivity from my mind erased
suicidal tendencies in first place

Going Back.

I'm going back to Carbondale tomorrow. Earlier today I was in a really good mood and I said "Man, I haven't been anxious in a long while, I may not even need group counseling anymore". Ha...haha....HAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHA

Dream

Okay so before I forget I was watching a movie about dinosaurs, I don't know why, but I felt incomplete. The next thing I rmember is walking up the stairs that seemed like they were from a futuristic school. Nobody else was there I thought, but it seemed someone was following me. He saw me and shook his head I think? I realized that there was something sticky and warm flowing down my neck and chest. I looked in the reflective surface of the base of the staircase and saw that therewere six self inflicted deep gashes on my neck, vertical, soaced out in a row. I fell to the ground, suddenly weak. The man towered over me, but then he kneeled at my side. I remember feeling ashamed, not wanting to die, as if I'd inflicted them on myself. I think I did. When I woke up, I wasn't bleeding, but I was weak. I was in the man's house I think, but I can't remember what it looked like. When I stood up there was a mirror in front of me and I saw the six deep ass cuts sewn shut with thick black thread that I instantly felt would never heal. He came into the room and said something, but I cn't remmber. I was.. happy?

It's okay for you to think my plugs are disgusting, but I can't say that i'm hurt by it?