Garden, or carried away

I remember the day before I had to leave
when you laid in my lap and
I braided your hair in little fairy braids
You fell asleep in minutes
I didn't care that my legs had fallen asleep
or that I had 24 hours to do 4 loads of laundry
before I had to drive back to school the next day
I wanted to stay there with you
as long as I could; No more college, no more panic attacks...

Soon enough, ivy would grow through the floor boards
our hearts would stop, and
a tree would grow in my stomach and out through my mouth.
Your golden hair would transform into the coiled stems of flowers
and they'd grow in vibrant, magnificent curls around my newly found light outstretching branches,
you would highlight the dark green of my new acquired being
with your magenta, violet, and canary yellow wildflowers that would bloom
until time grew tired of making the rules
My mother's plants in the dining room would finally be able to hold hands.
The roof of my one and a half story house would deteriorate from the rain
begging "let me see, let me see"
The sun's rays would cast back the curtains of lilac lace to warm our new beings
and evaporate our shells from the darker times,
and while it cradled our new glowing little lives
that were entirely our own with careful trembling hands it would cry in awe.
You and I would drink the rain and grow stronger than ever before,
and we would laugh, having escaped it all, having it been that easy all along, and we
would be the most beautiful garden the world had ever seen.
God would put his hand over his heart and say
"They found the key."

Freewrite

My friend thinks that I need something to help me relax when I get overwhelmed
I think that I need to grow the fuck up and stop babying myself
In real life the world wont stop spinning whenever I have a bad day
In real life people take pain killers when they're not in pain and drink 'Nyquil' to see elves
I'm not saying I want to take drugs but it would be nice to feel something
something that isn't nausea or being short of breath, anything but nothing

every five seconds

I am uncomfortable
sitting on a hard bench
blood in my underpants
because periods come early sometimes.
My heart rate is up again
I am breathing fine
but I feel like I'm running
out of air, a feeling that you'd think I'd be used to
by now but I'm not.
Sometimes when I'm walking to class
I wonder what would happen if
the earth ran out of oxygen.
I don't think I'd notice right away
because sometimes I catch myself
holding my breath
when I'm stressed out
or trying not to panic
(every five seconds)

Josh

I hate it when you wont talk to me. Is it that hard to tell me what's on your mind? I remember when things were different. I feel like I should be used to this by now, but I still miss the way our friendship used to be. You said that you still had stuff to figure out about me. What is there left to figure out? Am I doing something wrong? You continuously say that I'm not, but I feel like you're lying to me. I feel like if I weren't doing something wrong, our friendship would be back to normal, but it's not. The thing is, even before I told you I liked you our friendship was off. What is wrong? What is it?

Dream

I took a nap during the day today, and I had a really weird dream. I woke up, got out of bed, but something caught my eye: A half torn sheet of music. I noticed the title and figured it was something that had been in my bookbag from high school and i never took it out, so I dismissed it, but then another paper slid out. I looked under my bed and under it was every music folder and music book I'd ever had. Marching band music, music from concerts from sophomore year of high school, snare drum warm ups, everything. It all kept falling out and every time I'd take one sheet of music out it seemes another would appear: I could never empty the folder. It was... terrifying. I eventually yelled something like: "No, I don't want to see this, it just reminds me of everything I can't do", or something. It was really scary. I woke up sweating, but then again, honestly, I always wake up sweating. I can't remember a day I didn't wake up sweating, to be honest. Most times I'm not even hot...