The Lobby Of Hobbies

We're going to hobby lobby today! That means I'll get to buy new beads for bracelets and stuff! We're also going to the goodwill, walmart, the mall, and.... that's it. It should be a lot of fun :3

Numb

I really need to work on my bitch face, lol.

I feel a bit numb. I feel like when I'm here, my emotions are put in a safe and I can only access them when I'm alone or at home. It's weird.

Home

I missed being able to cry in the shower. The bathrooms at the dorms in east campus are small and they echo so you can hear every little thing. Plus there's always people around you, there's really no time to cry. So when I got home and Olivia came over and left and everything was closing up, of course my natural instinct was to cry in the shower. The worst part is that I still have under 24 hours left. I still don't have enough fucking time to be at home. 

....

I can barely even write about you,
and I don't know if it's because I'm out of practice,
or if it's because I haven't felt this way about anyone
since a terribly long time ago.

Bose

I got new headphones today and I really like them! They work amazingly, and have really clear sound. Anyway, college is going pretty well, I like it a lot. I wanted to post something because I feel like I haven't in a while.

Nova

Nova, who are you? Where are you? Where is your head? I don't know who you are anymore. You get high every night and you're dating a guy and a girl at the same time. You slept with a friend of a friend of yours, and why? I just... I don't even know what to say. I can barely even put my emotions into words right now. I don't know who you are anymore, and I'm not sure I want to. I love you so much, Nova. I love you more than I should, and that's why you keep doing it. You know when you have people under your thumb and you use it to your advantage; to get away with things. I can't handle being under your thumb anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should drop you or let you fade away or what but it can't stay like this. This is the most unhealthy relationship I've ever had in my life with anybody, ever. I'm almost ashamed to say you're one of my best friends, and I hate myself because it's true. 

Scars

I will do everything in my power to keep your blood in your wrists.
When times get hard just form your hands into fists.
I know cutting makes you feel worth while
But when I see the scars it makes me feel worthless.

Things I wish I knew about college four weeks ago

Water isn't the same everywhere.
'Lucky' is getting to be in the elevator alone for once.
You don't go to bed before midnight,
(you just don't).
Group assignments don't end after high school
Assholes don't end after high school
You're going to find someone new
There's a lot of reading.
(There's no way around that either).
Some teachers are going to be really cool
Some teachers are going to be really quiet
Some teachers need your help more than you need theirs.
The cafeteria food does get better after highschool
You're going to make friends.
You're going to make friends.
You're not going to be alone.
You're not going to be alone.

Homesick

I really miss my mom :( Also I'm out of juice and I'm sad. All day I felt like laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. My depression is acting up and I hate it. I hope I can stay motivated this week. Idk.