Insignificant

I feel so small and insignificant all the time now. I wish I could make it stop. I don't know what to do to make myself feel normal again. I feel like nobody listens to me, even when they obviously are. I feel like the third wheel all the time, even when it's just me and one other person. I feel like I'm not a really here, I feel like I'm here and home at the same time. I want to be alone and I want my friends. I want my mom and I also want to live alone for the rest of my days. Maybe I don't know what I want. I wish I had a counselor here. I mean there is one, but you have to pay for it, and I don't want to have to get to know somebody new all over again. Starting from the beginning, going over everything: the depression, the anxiety, the divorce, the... everything. Ugh.