Eh

Kissed my dog on the forehead before bed.
I've been having paranoid thoughts
about something bad happening to her
being hit by a car
or getting cancer.
Vanessa wants to visit our father.
I don't have the energy to tell her what a bad idea that is.
I wonder if I'll take birthday money from him this year
I wonder if I can bear not seeing him,
and I hope I have the strength to not see him.

I'm stressed out.
I'm stressed out about paying back college loans,
and having a job during the school year since the GI Bill is ending soon.

I'm worried.
I'm worried about having transportation next semester
whenever I need groceries
I'm worried about my depression getting bad again
I'm worried about not having the same counselor if it does.

I'm irritated.
I'm irritated that my friends at college are so difficult.
I'm irritated that Amy only thinks Hayley's a bad person because of what Olivia's told her
I'm irritated she hasn't heard my side, or Hayley's side.
I'm irritated she thinks she has the right to judge her without even fucking knowing her
without going through what I went through with her
Without knowing her situation.
I'm irritated I have to go to college in the first place.
I fucking hate school.
I hate it.

I miss my counselor

I miss my friends at school,
but I'm also enjoying every single second I get away from them

I don't get to vent often anymore.

This is everything,
and if it's not I'll come back and write more.

I guess I haven't been feeling 100% for a while.
I miss the security.