You and me (How It Should Be)

If people keep

sugar coating things for me

I'm gonna get diabetes

Maybe thats why I'm sitting here

In my underwear

Eating this bag of wheaties

And all that I can think about

Is how he made you smile

Way wider than I did

And maybe thats why 

Just last night

I got myself so totally wasted

That I couldn't find

Any focus in my eyes.

I think I lost my mind

Because I wrote your name

A thousand times (up and down my arms)

The truth is

You'll never come back 

as long as that prick is in your 

life.

And it hurts,

And what makes it even worse is that

You're all I ever want to see

And it shouldn't be you and him

It should be you and me.

Awkward

So whenever I'm mad I look at half naked pictures of girls haha oh I'm just now realizing this okay bye

Muse...

Tell him? Haha. No. Thats the dumbest idea ever. Thats what got me into trouble in the girst place, tell him? Why? Do he can laugh and ihnite the rumors again? No. I'm not an idiot. And don't ask me whats wrong because there's too much to type. In two weeks nobody will ever have to see me again. I could disappear if I really wanted to, and I want to so badly. I wish I could leave and people would search for me and maybe they wouldn't dislike me as much when I was found, if I decided to be found. Why am I sad? I'm invisible. Most times people ignore me in class and in the hallways. I'll wave and they'll look right at me and look away. I hate it. Whats wrong with me? I don't know why I can't be liked, and why I can't have a bunvh of scholarships amd be athletic and be a kid my parents could really truly be proud of. I feel like a waste of space 99.99% of the time, and school doesn't help. I'm tired of being ignored and never feeling like I'm good enough.

Invade my privacy

I want to feel your breath on my neck;

Kisses along my collarbones.

You know you're the only one

I'd ever let in;

That I've ever let in.

I could write about you for eons,

Love letters and observations unsaid,

But none of them would feel as good

As your hands around my waist

Or your lips on mine.

I'm a seventeen year old untouched poet.

It should be on the most dangerous list

Along with atom bombs 

and molotov cocktails..

I've learned that nuclear love 

is twice the explosion.

Muse

My friend Isaac thinks I should tell Muse how I feel. Idk. I'm not going to anyway but I've been thinking about it and... No. Never. I did it once and I'm not doing it again. He's a straight forward guy. He looked so happy with his girlfriend on Saturday. He'd never go for a lame girl like me. Ugh.

Senior Prom 2014

Prom was so much fun. Indie and Nova came over yesterday and we all did our makeup (although Nova was only over for thirty minutes), and then I got to curl Indie's hair and stuff, which was seriously awesome, I felt like a hairdresser, haha. She loved the curls so much she nearly cried, which was awesome ( not the crying part though, haha ). I tried to do a French twist to my hair but I couldn't do it so I had my mom French braid my hair and then I folded it under and around so that it was a braided updo. It looked amazing. And I had these nice pearl and crystal hair combs that I out on both sides, which was pretty nice. Prom was actually rather extravagant. The DJ sucked, but other than that it was cool. Everyone was dancing their asses off, even me, haha. I also had toasted ravioli for the first time, which was delectable. I think I'm going to ask my mom to buy it next time I'm at schnucks, haha. Towards the middle it got a little sad because Alex left with Dez, which bummed Indie out, and then you'll never guess who I saw kissing his girlfriend during the slow dance to 'Iris'. Jesus. Way to fucking go. Anyway... Hha... I'm fine. I need to get over him anyway. He's so dumb. Anyway, so it was cool because Alex rented a car for Indie and I to go to prom in. Ash was there too and it was really fun having him and not just Alex, because Alex was getting on my nerves, haha. We also had corsages, which was amazing. After prom, Ash and Indie came over and watched a movie, and Indie spent the night! which was really fun. I was knocked out during the movie though, we watched Treasure Island (Disney movie). Today, Sunday, Indie and I got snow cones and we got to go to the goodwill and do a little thrifting. We found some really cool tank tops and other summer things. I'm trying to hard not to think about that dumb song...

Nova

What am I supposed to do? I'm not exclusively yours. I hate you for being so jealous, you're always mad and mean to everybody. You treat Indie and I like shit, okay? That's what I've wanted to tell you. You don't listen to us and you're paranoid and you still think Indie has a thing for Den which is stupid because why the fuck would she if she's the one who set you two up? You're so terribly ignorant. It makes me sick. And you steal whatever you want and cry when things don't go your way, and you expect to pass high school on the mercy of your teachers versus actually trying. I hate that too. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. I wish we'd never been friends.