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I'm Alyssa Thomas. This is my online diary.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I just want to sleep

I just want to drink something that tastes like heaven and as soon as I drink the last drop it lets me sleep for like a week and when I wake up I feel rejuvenated and people are just nicer and I'm better at things in school and I feel worth while. Right now everything sucks and I feel dumb and I feel like a waste of space. Sometimes I don't want to be here at all, but I'm always afraid of saying 'fuck my life' or 'I want to disappear' and then something bad actually happens to me where I die or something. I don't want to die. I just want to feel better. I don't want to have anxiety. I don't want to be horrible at math. I want to be exceptionally smart and I want people to be jealous of my intelligence. I want to feel like I'm worth something. I want to feel better about myself and I just want to be out of high school. It kills me, seeing the same people over and over. The same teachers. The same cliques and the same bull shit. I'm tired of it. I'm tired.

Can the world stop spinning so fast? I'm the only one who can't catch up.

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