Christmas Card

Am I a bad person? I feel like one. I've often wondered how teenagers feel after cursing out a sibling and regretting it, or stealing and wishing they hadn't. I know what that feels like now.

I don't know how to make myself feel better this time. Should I even try? I haven't felt this depressed in a while, I know that much. And no, I don't want to talk to my mom about it. I don't want to talk to any siblings about it. Can't talk to Josh about it because he doesn't even want to see me right now. Ah. Maybe I've been the bad friend all along? I think this semester would have turned out better if I'd have never played pool with them. I must really work better alone, because I always fuck up. It's inevitable. I seriously don't know what to do at this point. 

I didn't even get him a cool christmas present.