Josh

I told my step dad about you. I was talking about all my friends (friends from home and school) and when you came up it was abnormally hard to stop talking about you.

I'd tell you this myself but I feel awkward when I display strong emotions wither positive or negative, you know this already.

I love you and I miss you, and I can't wait until August 22nd.
My arms miss being around you.

Ignore that.

Teresa

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FUCKING LEAVE HIM. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND FOR YOUR SAKE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. IF ARIKA GETS FUCKED UP FOR LIVING WITH A FUCKED UP FATHER AND DEALING WITH HIM LIKE I HAD TO MY WHOLE LIFE I HONESTLY MAY NEVER FORGIVE YOU. ABUSE IS UNACCEPTABLE. ABUSERS GET THEIR POWER FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE WEAK AND STAY WITH THEM THROUGH THE ABUSE. YOU. HAVE. TO. LEAVE.

Vanessa

The thing that pisses me off the most is that you're not fat. You're not. You're not even overweight. You're at a healthy weight for your height. Your shirt today was nearly skin tight and literally you make it sound as if you're morbidly obese when you're fine. You're fine. Nothing is wrong with you. On top of that, you tell me you have an eating disorder, constantly bitch about your weight, constantly make fun of yourself and bring yourself down, and instead of working out or eating right you stuff your face in the middle of the night. Do you really think that will help you? I don't know, I've never had an issue with overeating so I don't understand, but you're not really making it easy for my to understand so I can help you. You wont even fucking let me in. Sometimes I'm glad you aren't. One less thing for me to worry about.

I'm tired of worrying about you and getting shit responses in return.

Wisdom Tooth

I got one of my wisdom teeth taken out two days ago. It was terrifying. I cried the whole time, ugh. So embarrassing ><"

I kept thinking of my counselor telling me to calm down the whole time, and that helped. I remember in one of our sessions we talked about my fear of dentists and doctors. The fear hasn't really gone away but I understand it more now. I think it's because I was around them so much as a kid. There was always something wrong with me so it seems.

Anyway so I had my first real meal (a meal that wasn't jello or yogurt) today and ugh I missed real food so much. It was a chilli dog and fries. Yummy ^_^ My gums hurt a little from it but it was worth it.

Also I feel really happy about having a step dad. I feel more normal. I don't have to tell everyone about my weirdo dad because now I can just mention my awesome step dad!

I'm nervous about paying for the rest of college. My mom wants me to find a scholarship but I don't really think they work. I feel like it's all fake. Idk. I feel like scholarships are a lot like the lottery. One in a million, and with my luck, never. However I guess I'll try. Mostly because I fucking hate it when she brings up me not ever applying for them.

So yeah that's everything that's been happening lately. d:

Mom

It really hurts that you're seeing how hard all of this is on me and you're still upset at me. I can't help the fact that big situations like this make me anxious. They make my energy run away faster than lightning. They make me feel worthless, and now you're not looking at me and you're giving me the same look that anxiety would give me if it were a human and not already living inside of my mind. I wish you could understand how painful this is for me.

Work

Yesterday I closed the store again with Darrah (Thursday I closed with Mary). It was a lot breezier because I didn't have to stay until 9:45 with her, which was nice. Work in general yesterday was really great because Savannah and Darrah were there and they're actually my two favorite people at pier 1 just about. Mandy was one, but something happened and now she's not working there anymore. I wonder what happened...

Working at Pier 1 gives me this work high that I can't get from anywhere else. Selling things is so thrilling, I don't know what it is about it. I'm glad that I'm working. I appreciate money a lot more now.... I just wish that things weren't so difficult at home...

Basically I'm poor. My mom retired so now she's unemployed because she wants to get another job to make ends meet, and nobody's hired her. It's really bad. Ugh. I wish that things were better...

Kiss

You could kiss someone like you mean it

But if they don't mean it

It wont mean a thing.

Vanessa

Please stop projecting your emotions on to me.

When I come home from work, the last thing I need is to be guilt tripped.

I didn't say that Mom's stress was your fault.

I was explaining to you why she was so upset: the cooking, the cleaning, making the house look great, having to talk to people and yeah that makes her anxious too not just us.

And then you blew up on me because you thought I was trying to blame you????

I was explaining why she was so stressed out!

If you don't want to know the truth about something, don't fucking ask.

Get over yourself.

Vanessa

You may not know you're doing it but literally almost every time you talk to me or go into my room all you do is sit and sulk and feel sorry for yourself and then get mad at me when I don't have anything to say to you. Depression sucks, trust me, I know, but you can't come into my room and bring me down with you. I'm going to start calling you out on it. I'm not going to be quiet and let you keep doing this to me. I've got my own shit to worry about.