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Being at my house now makes me want to stab myself repeatedly in the heart. I can't tell my mom why because the reason is her. If I tell her this, she'll ask why. I'll tell her why. She'll claim most of it I made up. If I deny that she'll say it's in my head. I'll probably start sobbing. She'll leave and ignore me when I ask her to stay. I don't know what to do. I know our finances are shit, and I'm costing a lot of money, and the diet she's on isn't fun, but I wish she wouldn't take it out on her kids. I feel like if I say hi to her she'll yell at me. I keep trying to think that maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way or maybe I'm losing it or maybe I'm making it up like she says I am most of the time, but it seems pretty real to me and if it were fake I wouldn't be fighting tears and I don't know. I want to leave but I want to stay.I want my old home back. Before everything was so stressful. Well it was stressful but not like this.