I HATE BEING BROKE I WANT TO STAB MYSELF RIGHT NOW

I hate going places when I don't have money. It's downright embarassing when you can't even afford a drink of water. And then your friends are like "you couldn't even muster a dollar?" And it's like no, i fucking can't. Not everyone has money laying around the house. At my house every quarter we find in a coat pocket is gone before the week is over. We pinch every fucking penny we own and nobody knows because we keep it hidden so fucking well. I don't want to go out without money on me. I want to be able to enjoy myself too, not just watch. Is that so hard to understand???