Help!

Lately I've been pretty insecure about my figure. I have a really boyish figure and my tummy pokes a bit, and I really hate it. People always tell me I look so skinny and I don't have to worry about it and I feel like nobody really understands what I mean when I say I don't really like my figure. Also, when I vent about my figure they always say I could work out. Of course I already knew that. I'm not stupid, god damn. I hate it sometimes. I really do...

I've been feeling really conflicted about a lot of things lately. Not to mention I haven't taken my prozac in almost a week and everything feels weird. I've been really sensitive (but hiding it pretty well), and drowsy all the time. Today was actually the first time in ages that the coffee worked. I wish I could have a break from life itself. I'm tired of having to get up and see people. I'm even sick of my friends, is that weird? I feel like half of me wants to be drowned in hugs and attention but the other half wants me to be the only person on earth.

If anything, I really miss home. I miss my bed, and I miss not having to walk outside just for food. Maybe I'm being a big baby, but I just feel so overwhelmed by everything, and nobody really understands. The only person who's actually tried to understand is Josh, honestly. I'm also a bit tired of my friends here. They judge me over really stupid shit, and stuff that's none of their business. Every time I buy something they have a million things to say about it, it's as if they're all trying to be my parents, which really isn't their fucking job. They're also extremely nosy, and can't take a hint for the life of them. And heaven forbid there's ever something that comes up that I don't know as much about as them, it's all of a sudden the end of the fucking world. Obviously, the sky would fall if I didn't know about this actor, or that movie, etc. It's bullshit, honestly. The bitchiness really never ends with them... It just sucks.

There's also the fact that I've been having flashbacks nearly every ten minutes and they're tearing me apart. Flashbacks to things that have been done to me, flashbacks to shit I said to other people. I hate it. Especially the ones about my dad, which happen the most. Well, really flashbacks to my childhood with bullying and dealing with my dad. Those are the flashbacks that happen the most. I wish I could make it stop.

I'm so tired of it all, honestly. I wish I could fly away.