Sarah

So what is it that you think I need to change, then? What makes me a hypocrite? Saying that I like the way I am and I shouldn't need to change my mannerisms? For not apologizing for my funny faces/ funny voice? I don't know what you want from me. Not to mention, like I said, if you were more honest and expressed your opinion more often, you wouldn't have blown up on me like you did. You're mad at me for trying to get everyone to say what they feel? How on earth does that make any sense? What is it that you're so afraid of saying out loud? Don't you trust the group enough? All I've done since day one of meeting everyone is that I've tried to be the best friend I can be to you all. I've tried to be honest and truthful. I care about all of you. It was mever my intention to lay down double standards, if that's what you think I'm doing. You pointing out the fact that "I never leave my bed"  and I'm "always on my phone and my 3ds" really hurt. It wasn't even called for, you just said that to hurt my feelings and you know it. Sarah, you don't see me every second of every day. Did it ever occur to you that most times you visit me you happen to walk in during my break times? I get all my homework done, and I study. Just because most times you see me I'm in bed doesn't mean I'm always in bed. I have severe anxiety, Sarah. You don't know me nearly well enough to judge me for why I am the way I am and why I do what I do. And considering I don't judge you on how you are, I think it was really mean of you to say that to me. Also for being on my phone a lot, I like my phone, okay? It's how I keep up with my friends at home and it's how I keep up with my mom and I like to play games on my phone, I just really like my phone. I had shitty phone after shitty phone throughout most my life, so when I got my iphone senior year of high school I was really addicted to it. I guess I still am. I don't think it's a bad thing, though, and if you're honestly that mad at me for being on my phone, I think you need to reevaluate how you think of me. And for my 3ds, that was really uncalled for. I only play my 3ds during my break. I don't even take it with me to class, it stays at my dorm at all times unless I'm going up to Josh's room to play pokemon with him or something, so you obviously only said that to hurt my feelings. It's not like all I ever do is play my 3ds, and you probably play yours as much as I play mine. Not to mention, you're the one who takes your 3ds with you to class just for thise stupid "play coins". Also if I wanted I could point out how you watch a lot of anime and you're too secretive for my liking, but I haven't, because I'm not going to be an asshole to you for just being you. It just so happens that, once again, most times you visit, I'm taking a break from homework or it's right after I got back from my classes, I shouldn't have to apologize for having leisure time and doing what I want to do every once in a while. I'm honestly really mad that I even have to explain my leisure time, but if it'll help you understand then I guess it's worth it. When I said I wasn't going to change I meant I'm still going to do my funny voices and funny faces, but I'm not going to fake and be someone I'm not just so you'll like me. I didn't mean I wouldn't make a conscious effort to not burden josh, or that I was going to stop visiting you, or whatever else was going through your head. I feel so drained from trying to make everything right and ending up making it worse. I feel as if at this point I fucked everything up to the point of no return, honestly. I pissed Josh offf, pissed you off, and Meg and Nathan aren't happy either. I'm sorry that I can't be a better friend for you, but I can't be who you want me to be. I'm not a hologram based off of your desires. I'm a human with enotions and feelings (that for the record, are shattered at this point), and I should be treated as such. If anything, I'm disappointed that it's come to this, but there's nothing I can do about it.