Sarah

Do you not trust me alone with him or something?
He's yours, kid.
Cool it.

Josh

Why do you feel like all friendships should be perfect?

Are You Doing It For You?

take a moment to stop and think and not jump to conclusions

you know i love you so but I think that you’re losing it

you’re overthinking everything and not the right things;

making yourself so miserable, so I sing

and every second of every day you’re thinking what will you do

you’ve got a lollly jolly circle of friends but they make you want to drink your blues

I’ll be a hypocrite for a second, Imma tell you that I think that you need to think

‘cause lord knows I never think to myself:

oh should I ask for help?

I can’t do this thing alone, I’m taking this out on myself.

I can’t bear to sing the song

because everything is melting it seems 

and unraveling it’s tearing apart at the seams

so I say, i gotta do this thing for me

I gotta do this thing for me

I see that you’re struggling again and it seems like you need a friend

you’re getting so caught up in yourself that you can’t let anybody in

I understand that you can’t stand all the drama when you're living as the good in the man

because everybody comes to you like you know what to do

but I know sometimes you don’t

and I know that that’s okay

you’re still doing your best

and that’s alright with me

oh should I ask for help?

I can’t do this thing alone, I’m taking this out on myself.

I can’t bear to sing the song

because everything is melting it seems 

and unraveling it’s tearing apart at the seams

so I say, i gotta do this thing for me

I gotta do this thing for me

Josh

It's the way your hugs make me short of breath; Makes my heart pound. It's how in the sunlight your eyes are brown like honey, dripping down honeysuckle on a hot day; It's how they pull me in like magnets, I can't get away. It's the way you dry my tears when I cry and remind me I'm worthwhile. It's how no matter who it is you find a way to make them smile. It's how kind you are to everyone around you, constantly thriving to be a good person despite the odds. It's your warm smile and open heart, how intuitive you are, noticing everything, even the little things. It's how you get me, and you don't think I'm a freak or weird or too fucked up to be friends with. You accept me for me. You're so open minded and understanding, it makes my heart hurt that I can't have you, but nevertheless, that is why. That is why it's you. 

New Situations

I'm finally out of room 1111. It's amazing, honestly. I was prepared to spend the rest of the school year there, entirely miserable, probably driven crazy by the end of the semester, maybe even the end of next week. This morning especially was terrible with her. I'll never understand how some people can be so rude, impolite and mean for no reason whatsoever. Whatever. I'm glad I'm out of there, but I'm still stressed out. I think I'm going to report her to DPS. Nobody deserves to live with a monster like her. People like her don't deserve anything in life in my opinion.

Anyway, my roommate in 1627 is pretty cool. She's kinda short, average weight, and asian (not sure what heritage although I wish I knew). She's really nice and polite. I really like her, but there's a catch: She's moving out in three days :(

The one time I get a good roommate, I only get 3 days with her, grrr :"( Makes me sad.

Then again I get my own room for a while so that's pretty cool I guess. Plus once she leaves I can take her side of the room which means... drumroll..... I FINALLY GET THE WINDOW BED! :D

Astronomy

Today in astronomy lab I went to the roof of the science building at my school (Neckers), and everyone in the class looked through the telescope at Saturn, which from Earth, looked so tiny and precious; Like I could hold it in my hand. I charted it's prescence and it's moon's, and then for fun, we were able to look at the moon as well, and since the moon is much closer than Saturn (much, much closer), I could see every little crater on the surface. I felt like I could have seen an alien if I looked hard enough.

After all that, I couldn't help but look at the sky and wonder if I'm really all that's out there. There's gotta be more.

I'd never felt so much like a figurine in a snow globe in my entire life.

Drunk Kid Catholic

It's not that I'm impatient, it's that I've been patient for too long. This is all I've ever known. I can't let myself start to believe that this is what I deserve, and that's what's going to happen if I stay. I have to go. I just have to. I love you so much. I'd die for you, you know that? You're so bright. 

I can't watch you be with her. It hurts too much. It hurts that you don't love me the way I love you, but honestly, seeing you with her hurts more than it all. It's not me. It's never me. 

I could sob right now. There's a boulder on my back and a glacier on my chest, and somehow I haven't been crushed by them yet but I wish it would just finish me off. It would be better than sticking around to see this. It would be better than lying through my teeth every time I say I'm okay. It would be better than smiling at you like I have a painful secret and not like a smile should be. It would be better than tip toeing around campus because if I see you my heart will flutter and I'll have that sharp pain in my chest taunting me saying "He doesn't love you and he never will".

Oh my God i just wish you were mine

I just want to hold you close

but you'd say no in a second if it were proposed

I'd say I wish I never met you

but without you what would I do?

I believe I'd have died in the shower last year

if I hadn't pinky promised you otherwise

but this semester, nothing's the same.

Now, I can't look you in the eyes.

Why do you have to be such a bitch to everybody? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You act like a robot; no feelings, no emotions. You piss me off more than almost anything. Speak up about whatever's bothering you or stop acting like a pissy bitch every 5 seconds. Nobody wants to deal with that.

Meg, Nathan, Josh, Sarah, Chris, Ryan

I'm thinking about leaving SIUC. There's so much that I've been going through, and I think that the lst event just made the tower fall.

1. I hate love triangles
2. There's nowhere to run but counseling, and I shouldn't feel like I need counseling over something like this
3. There is no escape (but to leave)

I feel like if I stay I'm just going to make things harder for all of us as a friend group honestly. Especially when there's so much that I cannot say. I'm tired of having secrets like these. They're draining as ever.

Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I want to kill myself

Just because I want to kill myself doesn't mean I'm sad. 

I've been on both ends.

I've been all over the damn place

Sometimes I can't feel anything
sometimes I feel way too fucking much.

Priorities?

1. School
2. Financial Stability
3. Happiness
4. Family
5. Friends
6. Health
7. Hobbies

I said we weren't going to work out,
but I never said I didn't still want you.

Josh

There's so much that I haven't said.
You know the base of how I feel:
I don't want this to happen.
Break up with Brianna, sure, do that.
It's honestly what's been needing to happen for a while
but dating Sarah, I don't know.
You know how I feel about her.
You probably know how everyone else feels about her (and if you don't, come on, it's obvious)

I honestly just want to know why,
and not "There's just something about her",
but actually why.
Another thing;
Haven't you noticed she basically only cares about you?
She's only really ever cared about you
She hated Robert, and she'd desert Nathan, Meg, Chris, Ryan and I in half a second if she had the chance to, or should I say,
if you didn't care.
Also, how long do you think that this is going to last?
I honestly wonder how long it'll take before you realize how mean she actually is.
How can you like someone that much
if you know how she's made everyone else feel in the past?
How can you put all that aside
not think about it,
and just pursue her anyway?
I don't know.
I want you to be happy, Josh,
but I hope this doesn't last long.
I'm not saying that to be a bitch,
I'm saying that because I think it's dumb.
I think it's dumb that you're giving her a chance.
I think it's dumb why you haven't questioned why she's so mean to everyone but you.
But most of all, I think it's dumb that you like her. That you ever liked her.
Especially after last year.
You'll figure it out, though.
I already have.

Whenever you're mad at your mom again

"Don't ever forget that I love you and I would die protecting you. I would never intentionally hurt you. You are my heart. 

Unfortunately, I am human and with that comes imperfections.

I will always love you, today, tomorrow and until I take my last breath on earth"

It makes sense now.
But still, I'll never understand why it's her.

Eric

They say don't look back but I still can't shake the grasp your gaze had on me, and I can't forget our late night conversations because my mind wont let me. This is not a romantic poem. This is a confession of lust; how I want you wrapped around me. I want to  hear every moan; feel every thrust. You've been burning a hole into my chest since the last time I saw you. As much as I'd like to forget, I still want you. You're everywhere.