Oh

I thought about killing myself in the shower again today.
It's weird because
that's when my best ideas come to me;
the ones I usually go with.
It was an alternate scenario of Meg, Nathan and I talking about our issues with Sarah and Josh,
And in this scenario, Josh walked in after overhearing what we said and yelled at me.
It was really bad.
And in the scenario, for some odd reason,
I had a razor on my night stand.
I took it to the bathroom and ran,
And in this scenario,
The bathroom locked from the inside (Oh my God I wish I wish I fucking wish)
And I locked both doors and cut,
and cut,
and cut.
And I bled out on the bathroom floor.
In the scenario, Nathan called my counselor, and he broke down the door when he got there,
but he was too late.
It may have been the hot water,
But it was comforting.
Watching the scenario from a bird's eye view,
watching me laying on the floor in my own blood...
It was comforting seeing me there,
but not there.