Today I went in my first college tour to Lindenwood (except the time I went with Ethan when he was checking the place out). It was awesome! The dorms seem pretty cool, and there's a library with a coffee shop (it looks like it's right out of Harry Potter, haha). I really want to go there but it's a little expensive. I'll probably have to go to community college first, and raise my ACT score by two points... I don't know how I'll do that. I mean I took it once and got a 18 and I thought oh well, I'm only a sophomore, next time I'll proabably get a 20. The next time I got a 19. I just don't think I can do it. I really don't. On the brightside, the tour guide was adorable! His eyes were super green with a bit of a blue undertone. They were a little like a deer's eyes, attentive, soft. His hair was golden & curly. Nice smile. We all nearly ran into a thick spiderweb, and his reaction was so cute! He spun around super quick when my mom screamed due to a junebug, wide eyed and whatnot. He thought he did something wrong, haha. And I freaked out because he freaked out, haha. It was really awesome, he was really awesome. (:

Afterwards, we went to Eckert's, which was fun. Vanessa and I rode rides and went on this bounce thingy. We picked apples. I got two green ones for my friend who rides the same bus as me, Slater. He's pretty cool. Mom said that when Vanessa and I were on the bouncy thingy we looked really happy and it reminded her of the old times (the happy parts, that is). It made me happy to know that it made her happy. I also found out that Vanessa's seeing a counselor too, which in all honesty, really pissed me off. When I was in seventh grade I was suicidal. I wrote suicide letters in my diary, plotted ways to do it. Pictured it so many times it drove me crazy, but there was one thing that held me back, and that was the pit of guilt my mom would be trapped in the rest of my life if I did it. If I were one of those sad statistic kids I'd have been the ghost of a memory by now. I even told my mom I was suicidal in middle school, but she doesn't remember. When I told her that she was confused, unable to remember it at all. That made me feel special. I guess I'm just upset because even after I told my mom I was suicidal I didn't have counseling, and Vanessa has issues but I doubt they're as bad as the ones I was going through. I just wish everything wasn't so damn easy for her.